What You Don't Know
by TouchMyGoldenHeart-SMWB
Summary: Edward stops hunting after he leaves Bella. He hasn't hunted for five months. What would happen to his body? What happens when it just shuts down? plz R & R.
1. Fade away

A/N: Ok, I know I should be updating my story, but if I don't get this out of my head first I don't think I'll be able to write anything lol. Ok, so this is a three-shot story. It's set after Edward left Bella by five months. This first shot was inspired by a song called "October" for Evanescence. I've never been inspired by a song before, but it's nice lol. Ok, hope you enjoy it.

**This chapter dedicated to my Beta Megan. Thank you Megan you are the best!!!**

**Fade away**

I died five months ago. I was ripped, shredded into pieces. I was here only by body, but my mind, my heart, and…me… were back there, in Forks…with her.

Five torturous months spent with pain and pity perched on each shoulder. The weight of both emotions was unkindly and had me gasping for air that I didn't need. I knew I couldn't blame it on my family. They couldn't control their thoughts, after all. At first I tried to ignore them, but that proved to be nearly impossible so finally I just... left.

Where did I end up you may ask? I wouldn't have an answer to that. I'd been running for months; four and a half to be exact, though time held little importance to me.

I never stopped for anything. Not even to hunt. The last time I hunted was before her birthday. It wasn't that I was trying to die, because I knew from Carlisle's experience that that form of suicide wouldn't suffice. It was anger. This body, is why Bella was always in danger with me. This body, is what made me leave her. This body, is what made me hurt her. This body is what caused all of our pain. So I denied my body everything it wanted. I didn't hunt. I didn't rest. Running was primal and I could do it on instinct. I could feel the never ending fatigue wear me down day after day but I never stopped.

I didn't speak either. Words were pointless when you had nobody to share them with. Even more pointless was to speak them to keep me sane. I didn't deserve to be sane. I didn't deserve much of anything.

_I can't run anymore,  
I fall before you,  
Here I am,  
I have nothing left,  
Though I've tried to forget,  
You're all that I am,  
Take me home,  
I'm through fighting it,  
Broken,  
Lifeless,  
I give up,  
You're my only strength,  
Without you,  
I can't go on,  
Anymore,  
Ever again._

I could feel my indestructible body fail more and more everyday. And everyday I grew more frustrated.

I doubt that I could speak again, I was fairly sure that I was now incapable of speech. My lips still moved but it seemed as if they were molded to the movement of her name. _Bella_. Even her name was sweet on my tongue.

My eyes remained fixed forward without really seeing anything. The only think I could really see was her face. Nothing else. She dominates my every thought. Even thousands of miles away I can still smell a sweet hint of fressia.

_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love_

I wanted to see her. I _needed_ to see her. How much longer can I exist without her? Not long, I realized, but I ignored reality. I lied to myself, I convinced myself that as long as she's safe I could even wish to exist without her. But very quickly I grew sick of lying to myself.

I hurt her. Not in the way that I had originally feared. Though I hurt her to save her, the words I spoke were destroying me too and saying them had been the very blackest kind of blasphemy. I never dreamed she would believe the lies so easily. She hadn't needed any kind of persuasion at all. She believed me right away when I told her I no longer loved her. And that's when I almost told her the truth. I wanted to shake her and tell her to fight me back. Call me out on my lies. But she never did.

And now I'm dying from my own self inflicted pain.

Slowly my body started numbing. Numbing. Numbing. Until it was impossible to run. I felt my knees hit the ground, followed by limb body, then the side of my face. And the exhaustion was a strange feeling, one I had never felt before. It wasn't necessarily pain. I was more hollow than anything. _I'm sorry, Bella. _I let those words run over and over again in my mind. Knowing they fixed nothing but persistent just the same. _I'm sorry._

_I can't run anymore,  
I give myself to you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry,  
In all my bitterness,  
I ignored,  
All that's real and true,  
All I need is you,  
When night falls on me,  
I'll not close my eyes,  
I'm too alive,  
And you're too strong,  
I can't lie anymore,  
I fall down before you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry._

With what was left of my vision, I saw pairs of feet running towards me. Maybe whoever they were would do me a favor and kill me. I didn't react in any way when those feet stopped in front of me. I didn't even look up to see who. Even though my body was numb, the burn in my throat wasn't. It burned and burned but it was no match to the burn that was in my chest. I swallowed difficulty, trying to stop any of both pains but I knew it was no use.

"Edward" I heard a familiar voice breath. It took me a moment to realize it was Alice's voice. She must've seen this. I tried to talk to her but I couldn't. I couldn't find neither my lips nor my voice. It was the end of me, I could feel it. The burn in my throat grew as I remembered Bella's scent. I missed it. The fressia was so close but so far. I closed my eyes as I pictured her two brown ones, causing the pain in my chest to increase. Remembering the sound of her laugh. Her touch, her smile… remembering her.

_Constantly ignoring,  
The pain consuming me,  
But this time it's cut too deep,  
I'll never stray again._

I wasn't aware of anything around me anymore. My mind started to blur, and I dragged out my memories with her, so that they would be the last thing before………

_Flash_

_We were sitting in the cafeteria when she lifted an eyebrow and said "So long as I'm being not smart, we'll try to be friends?" _I felt something gnawing inside my chest, begging for me to go back.

--

_"So what you're saying is……that I'm your brand of heroin?" She said confused,_ gnawing…gnawing.

--

_"I love you" She whispered as she buried her face in my chest. _Ripping…..ripping…. my arms screamed to have her back. To hold her tight again.

--

_"I was wondering…about you and me…someday…" She blushed as she admitted that she was thinking about the day we would both be in the altar. _My chest ached as the scratching increased by every memory. But I was content by having her in my head in my last minutes.

--

_"I dream about being with you forever" she whispered._ I crushed that dream. For both of us. I hurt her. I killed the very best thing about my existence. The only reason for my existence. And now I'm suffering the consequences. I'm dying. I wanted to see her one last time. To tell her that I loved her. To beg for her forgiveness. To hold her in my arms…one last time.

But I couldn't. I was too late. I promised that I'd never go near her again and if I did anything for her it would be to keep that promise. _Bella, Bella, Bella, I miss you, I love you. Bella, Bella, Bella……_

_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
__(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love,  
My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am_)  
_My only love._

Slowly, I felt all my pain go away. As a new black blanket started to cover me. Slowly and quietly, it covered every part of my. Blinding my eyes and deafening my ears as it took over me. Just one unpleasant memory came to me before my mind dulled.

_"Y…you…don't…want…me?" she whispered scared._

My body burned for the last time and I heard a scream laced with her name escape my lips before it all faded to black.

_The pain consuming me,_

_But this time the cut's too deep,_

_I give up_

A/N: I am in tears right now. I'm sorry to do this to Edward, but you'll see what'll happen. I hope you liked it.

Beta A/N: Hey I just wanted to mention that if there's any problems with this chapter I'm to blame completely because TMGH didn't get to read this one over because I'm posting it for her. Leave reviews! :D


	2. LIES!

.A/N: So I just came back an hour ago, and before I even ate I sat down and started writing this chappy. I was so happy with all of your reviews. They where all really amazing. I don't think I ever got these amazing reviews before over one chappy. Thank you so much. Enjoy!

**This is dedicated to three of my great friends. I never dedicated anything to them, I was waiting for something that felt right to them. They are amazing. Maha, Yara, and Yasmin. This chappy is for you guys. I missed you so much! I love you.**

**Recap:**

Just one unpleasant memory came to me before my mind dulled.

_"Y…you…don't…want…me?" she whispered scared._

My body burned for the last time and I heard a scream laced with her name escape my lips before it all faded to black.

_The pain consuming me,_

_But this time the cut's too deep,_

I give up

**Lies**

**APOV  
**He was dying. I don't understand. I couldn't see his future. It's not like when someone's dead. No, it was blank. Just blank. I tried to look around this big black spot but there's nothing. He doesn't know anything. He has nothing decided. It's like he stopped thinking. He wasn't even considering death. At least if he was, his mind would be working. But there's nothing and it's frightening. When I saw him fall in my vision I nearly had a heart attack……metaphorically. The first thing I did was to tell Jasper, but of course everyone else in the house heard so we all ran to him. Esme screamed once she saw him fall and Carlisle froze.

I never saw Edward that way. He looked terrifying. He was pale. Really pale, even for a vampire. Under his eyes were black circles that were never there. Not even when he was thirsty. They were real black. Dark black. You couldn't see his skin through them. His lips, always trembling with Bella's name, were deep purple. But what was shocking were his eyes. Usually when your thirsty they turn black. Edward's were………silver. Dead silver. The ones that had no glow in them. No emotion. No nothing.

Right now, we were in our old house. In Edward's old room. To make things clearer, we were in Forks! We had my bed moved to his room so that we could lay him on it. He sat upright, his eyes open but no really seeing. Just staring into nowhere. His lips mouthing "Bella, Bella" over and over again. Carlisle sat beside him, moving his palm in front of Edward's frozen eyes.

"Edward, Edward. Can you hear me? Can you follow my hand with your eyes? Edward!" Carlisle repeated, his voice strangled with worry. But his voice was barely heard over Esme's tearless sobs. She hunched over Edward's unmoving hand, holding it tightly in hers as she sobbed hardly. Rosalie sat in Emmet's arms as she too sobbed soundlessly over her brother. Emmet was tense as he pated Rose's back. Jasper was downstairs feeling as guilty as ever. Because he was sure that all of this was his fault. He kept blaming himself even though I told him it wasn't entirely his fault.

That was it! It was all getting beyond ridiculous. I am stepping in. This has got to stop. I am going to Bella and it's decided!

I turned to the door, when Carlisle's voice stopped me.

"Where are you going Alice?" Carlisle whispered. I didn't need to turn around to know that he wasn't looking at me.

"I'm going to Bella. This is just ………plain stupid." I muttered but I noticed my voice was rising as my did my irritation and worry.

"You know he wouldn't have wanted that" Carlisle whispered.

"Well I guess he'll just have to rip my head off. I'm not going to watch him die. He needs her. I've had enough with his over gentlemanly self. We're in the 21st century. At least let him go with the time. He's _dying_. His cure is _Bella._ That's what I'm getting." I rushed the words through gritted teeth.

"We're coming too" I heard Esme whisper. "All of us. I know what he told her. I think if we all went to her it would make it easier for her to believe that he was trying to protect her" I turned around and cocked my head and stared at her curiously.

"What did he tell her?" I wondered about that for so long. What on earth could have made Bella agree to this? What wouldn't make her come to me to understand?

Esme smoothed Edward's hair slowly, he didn't react to her touch in away. I don't think he felt it. Esme's eyes tightened as she barely mouthed the words, "he told her that he didn't want her……that she wasn't good enough for him…..the he didn't love her anym—"

But she was cut off. Edward's whole frame started to shake and he started to twitch painfully on the bed as he shouted, "LIES! LIES! DON'T BELIEVE IT BELLA!! LIES! ALL OF THEM WERE LIES! DON'T BELLA! DON'T! DON'T……" He screamed and thrashed. We all ran to him, he was out of control. His back was arching up and falling back as his chest rose and fell. Like he was choking or gasping for air. Carlisle held down both his legs, Esme held his arms.

"Edward, Edward, snap out of it. Edward!" Carlisle and Esme were shouting but there voices weren't noticeable under Edward's screams. I went and held his chest down too, but he just kept fighting us.

"LIES BELLA, LIES! RUN BELLA, RUN BEFORE I COULD HURT YOU AGAIN. I'M A MONSTER. RUN BELLA, RUNAWAY. LIES! ALL LIES! BLACK, DARK, PAIN, NUMB, CRIES. LIES! LIES!...." He wasn't making sense.

"Carlisle, what do we do?" I gasped as I kept pushing him down on the bed. He was still twitching, fighting.

"I……… don't……… know" Carlisle said breathlessly as he fought with Edward's legs.

I groaned. What now?

"LIES! TERRIBLE LIES! HORRIBLE LIES! BLACK, DARK, FILTHY LIES…."

"Edward, Edward." I tried again but he seemed unaware of anything.

"We have to get Bella" Esme cried.

Yes, of course we had to. But how? "We can't leave him here alone. He could kill himself without knowing it" I shouted so that Esme could hear me over Edward's agonized screams.

"I don't know" Esme whispered. Yes that was it, we didn't know anything.

"Edward! Edward! Edward!" Carlisle tried again.

"LIES! BELLA! BELLA! BELLA! I'M A LIAR A MONSTER! RUN AWAY FROM ME! SAVE YOURSELF! I'LL HURT YOU AGAIN! I LIE, I LIE, MY LIES. MY PAIN. MY FAULT. LIES! RUN!" His face was getting paler, and I could feel his skin getting thinner as he strained to scream with his highest volume. His eyes getting more and more silver by the second.

I groaned, "Ugh Emmet, just do it. There's no other way"

Emmet who was like who was in a trance came to Edward's side. He lifted his hand and smacked Edward's head real hard that echoed in the house. Edward immediately fell silent and stopped moving and returned to his opened-eyed-coma-like state. I sighed in relief as I lifted my hands off his chest. Esme and Carlisle let go of his arms and legs too.

"Weighing his state in one hand and his chances of ripping my head off over bringing Bella in the other. I certainly think that his state wins. Meaning I'm getting Bella" I said firmly, making it clear that no one could change my mind. But no one tried, they all agreed sadly.

"Emmet, Rosalie. You two stay here with Edward. You know what to do in case he snaps again." Carlisle miserably. Then he looked at Esme and me and said, "We're going to Bella"

A/N: Ok, so I'm so tired, and I don't know how I did in this chapter. I need to go eat and rest from the four hour flight, now. It was exhausting to write this but I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope I didn't mess it up since I can barely see what I wrote lol. Thank you for reading and please review! 


	3. Sorry, love, for being me

.A/N: Happy Valentine's guys! This is an "I am sorry" chapter for taking so long, but I've been sooooooo busy, plus there's this other story that I'm dying to put on ff, so I'm writing it on paper instead but it has me unable to think of anything else but it lol. I hope you like this chappy, and I hope you forgive me for the cliffy that I'll leave you with. (grins sheepishly). Enjoy!

**This chappy is dedicated to one of my really best friends AMNA!!! I love you Amna, and thank you for…well I told you a thousand times why already lol. SO Just Thank you. And I'm so so so so so so lucky to have a friend like you. Love you!!! **

**Recap:**

"Emmet, Rosalie. You two stay here with Edward. You know what to do in case he snaps again." Carlisle miserably. Then he looked at Esme and me and said, "We're going to Bella"

**I'm sorry, love, for being me**

**APOV**

"Jasper, stop it, you're making us all as scared and afraid as you are" I hissed at Jasper for the millionth time. Jasper was stressing over meeting Bella. He was feeling guilty again, nervous and scared. He had no control over his emotions that he pushed them all at us. We were in Bella's house. We as in Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie, and me. Yes, Rosalie. She insisted on coming. I dunno why, but I didn't see that it would hurt so we agreed. She promised she wouldn't say anything mean to Bella. Bella wasn't here yet. She's still at school. But I warned them that she wouldn't be looking so happy when she comes back. I had a vision, and it was one word. Horrible.

We were all sitting in her living room when we heard footsteps. Running footsteps. Two pairs. And mad sobbing.

I glanced at the family and they all stiffened. "calm" I hissed at them. Jasper's emotions were stressing me too. I took a deep breath to follow my own advice and stood up. They all stood with me. The footsteps were getting closer. And that's when we heard it.

"No Mike!" Bella's voice screamed between her sobs. Her footsteps stopped and his too.

"C'mon Bella, you know he's not coming back. He doesn't want you, he told you that already. What's the point in waiting for him? Move on!" He almost groaned like he was saying it for the thousandth time. I froze and stared at my family, this was definitely not a good way to start.

Bella's sobs were heartbreaking, they got louder and more hysterical. "I…I know." She whispered, "a…and I'm n…not waiting f…for him…m. I know he's n…not coming…g back."

"Then forget him!" Mike yelled.

"Please M….Mike enough. Y…You're hurting m…me" She pleaded taking a few shaky steps.

"Bella he dumped you, you should be mad at him. He doesn't love you!"

"Stop!" She screamed and started running again. I heard the door being thrown open and then slammed. Then Bella sobs were all around the house. She ran past us and she didn't see us. She had her face in her hands and was running directly towards the stairs. We all looked at each other then slowly headed out of the room. Silently.

Bella started running up the stairs still sobbing and breathing hard when she tripped and fell on the 5th stair. She didn't bother to try to get up, she just sat there and kept crying. She looked horrible. He hair was everywhere and her face was paler. She looked weaker, and thinner. I could almost see her bones. I looked at Esme and Carlisle. Esme had her hand over her mouth and she was shaking from head to toe. Carlisle looked pained and he cringed away from the way Bella looked. Rosalie had her back to Bella, like she couldn't see her like this. Jasper had his face in his hands.

Apparently no one was going to talk, and that left that task to me. Even though I was flinching and burning inside at the sight of my best friend and sister, I kept my face calm and whispered.

"Bella" and Bella froze. For a few heartbeats no one moved or said anything. Bella slowly lifted her head up and turned it around.

**BPOV**

I stared stunned at the five beautiful faces that stood in front of me. I couldn't think straight for a few minutes so I couldn't actually grasp that they were here. I stared at them, my mind slowly starting to work again. When it all snapped.

"Alice" I mouthed my eyes getting wide. I blinked the rest of my tears away so I could see her clearly. She was here, and she was the same. Her red pixie her. Her short small figure. Her pale face, her golden eyes. But she wasn't my happy bouncy Alice. This was a sad, almost grown up Alice.

All issues with Mike forgotten, I just stared at her.

"Hi Bella" She whispered with a sad smile. I forgot everything. I don't know what happened but I just forgot all the cries and pain that I was in. I was staring at my family, the ones that I loved. Beside her was a very very very desperate looking Jasper who stared at his feet. Esme was shaking from the urge to cry and had her mouth and nose covered with both her hands. Carlisle looked almost like he was going to cry but he was holding himself back. Rosalie just looked at me with pain in her eyes that I didn't understand. I looked around and noticed that two members were missing. Emmet and……………that was enough to bring the pain back. My eyes automatically squeezed themselves close and I heard a strange sound come from me, it was almost like a moan of sadness. And suddenly I felt a sudden coolness around me.

"Bella" I heard Esme's voice and felt a cold hand on mine. I opened my eyes to find them all sitting around me on the stairs. Even Jasper and Rosalie.

Alice was right in front of me, "Bella, do you still love me?"

"Of course Alice'' I whispered and tried to push a smile. Instantly her arms were around me. Her cold skin made me shiver, it's been a while since I felt it. Her scent was still there I breathed it and it made me calm. It was still as amazing as ever.

"Then I could tell you that I missed you so much Bella" She said as she hugged me tighter. I hugged her back too. As tight as I could.

"I missed you too Alice. More than you can ever imagine" I said honestly.

She pulled away but not before kissing both my cheeks. She gave me a sweet smile and then looked at Esme. Esme struggled to hid her both her pain and sadness. But she managed to draw something close to a smile but her lips trembled.

"Hello, honey" Esme whispered shakily. Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it as he looked at me and smiled, he was better than his wife at hiding his pain but it was still clear.

"We've missed you, Bella" He said gently.

I didn't realize that I was crying again till I felt my tears soak my shirt. I blinked my eyes clear and stared at the two beautiful faces that I once wished to be their daughter.

I don't know what happened, and I don't know how, all I know is that I suddenly threw myself in their comforting embrace. I started sobbing again but I couldn't control it. They hugged me back and Esme caressed my hair while Carlisle patted my back.

"I'm sorry…y it's j…just that I…I am…m so happy…y that y…you are h…ere." _Hiccup _"It w…was l…like being a…an o…orphan" I blurted out without control over my words. I was just so happy to see them.

"Oh no Bella. Don't feel that way, you're still my daughter, honey" Esme said quickly, "even if you aren't a vampire. I love you so much" and she placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too, Esme" I whispered, leaning my head on her shoulder as she pulled me on her lap and wrapped her arms around me. I refused to think about who used to hold me that way, it would be more pain than I wanted to endure. I just rested my head and enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

"Don't you love a vampire father too? I love you too' Carlisle said grinning, looking three hundred years younger.

I actually smiled this time, for real. "Of course I love you Carlisle"

He took my hand and stroked it gently with his thumb. Esme stood up with me cradled in her arms and climbed the stairs and headed for my room. When she opened the door she froze and so did the others. I blushed, it was something that hasn't happened for a very long while but it felt good to feel the blood running in my veins again.

"Uh sorry, I um wasn't expecting uh company" I stuttered as I looked the other way. My room was upside down from my earlier tantrum. The sheets of the bed were on the floor, everything that was on the desk was thrown away everywhere. My closet was opened and the clothes were falling from it. They all looked at me but Carlisle was the one who spoke.

"Did you have a……tantrum of some sort Bella?" he asked warily.

I didn't look at him when I mumbled, "Charlie and Renee were trying to convince me to leave Forks and I wasn't…really myself the last few months." I stared at my hands while I answered. What would they think of me? Would they leave again? Would they think that I'd gone crazy?

But all my thoughts were cleared away as I felt three hands on my arm. I looked up to see, Alice, Carlisle, and……………Rosalie? Smiling sadly at me.

"We understand" Alice whispered. Esme walked to my bed and sat with me on her lap. We were silent for a while but it was somehow kind of awkward. So I decided to break it.

"So, Why did you guys decide to come see me? Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy that you did, but I don't understand why you came?" I wanted to talk about anything before any of them mention _him_, but unfortunately I chose the wrong question.

They all glanced at each other before Alice groaned, when none of them talked, and answered me, "it's………Edward" She said slowly.

I stiffened on Esme's lap, his name was like a nail piercing right through my hurt. It burnt my eyes and closed my throat and made every part of my body shake. M y breathing hitched as I tried to control my reaction to the name that had been long since I've heard.

Esme hugged me tighter and the arms that were on my arm squeezed it. I opened my mouth to say something, even though I didn't know what that _something_ is, Alice cut me off.

"Bella he's horrible without you. He needs you" Alice said the words that would have made me jump and run to him if they were said five months ago. Right now they were just the words that I wished to hear. But not the truth.

"He doesn't……w……want me" I mouthed, not able to find my voice.

"No Bella, he loves you" Carlisle said gently. My vision started to blur as I heard the words that I wished were true.

"He d…doesn't. He s……said it h….himself" I hiccupped.

"He lied because he wanted you safe" Esme said.

But I shook my hard and pushed my hands against my ears. I didn't want to give myself any false hope. I would die if it was crushed. And Why would …Ed…he leave me if he lov……cared for me. Why would he hurt me?

Even though I had my ears covered to protect myself I heard Alice shriek, "Jasper!" I let my hand drop and looked at him to see what's wrong. Jasper was shaking so bad that he barely held himself. Then he collapsed in front of me on his knees and took both my hands in his. His looking like they would almost have tears in them.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry for being the cause of all this. I can't tell you how I hate myself now," I was going to stop his guilt attack but he stopped me,

"No! please hear to the end. When I attacked you on your last birthday, this made Edward realize that you were in too much danger. That you were so close to dying because of what we are, or rather what _I_ am. So he decided if he loved you, he should protect you even from himself.

It was all my fault Bella. And I'm sorry, I don't know if you'll ever forgive me but I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did to both of you. Seeing how hurt you are and how ……he is, it just makes me want to kill myself.

Please Bella, take my brother back. Give him his life back and take yours. I was the one that took it from both of you and I'm willing to sacrifice anything to give it back to you. I can go away if that will make you feel more safe. You'll never see my face again after today if that's what it takes but please, please I'm begging you, save my brother. I promise you if me leaving is what will make you feel safe and accept my brother again then you have it……"

"Stop!" I whispered when I found my voice again. He stopped instantly and waited while I wiped my tears and sniffed. "Of course you shouldn't leave Jasper. I forgave you a long time ago. You shouldn't have felt so guilty for so long, but……" I looked the other way and tried to hold back more tears, "Let's say that what you're saying is true, that he left me because he …….lov…_cared _for me. And let's say I'll go with you to see h…him. If he rejects me, that's the end of me. I won't bare it Jasper" I whispered the last sentence. I don't really know if I believed Jasper or not, a big part of me did but the other small part that wanted to protect me from more pain kept crushing that hope.

Jasper was going to talk again when Rosalie's quiet voice cut him off, "he's dying Bella" She whispered. My head snapped in her direction, she was leaning against the wall her face contoured in pain.

"He's what?" I croaked my eyes wide and my mind frozen.

"He's dying without you. He hasn't hunted for five months and he's been running ever since he left you"

"Hasn't……hunted…..in five……months?" I whispered appalled.

"Yes, his body is shutting down. He hasn't rested for five months and he's thirsty, but he was torturing himself. Right now he's at home, and not really conscious." Rosalie said sadly, "please Bella, come with us. You're our only hope in getting our brother back. I'm sorry I was so mean to you, I had no right to. He really loves you and I should have accepted you from the beginning. Will you come with us? Please?" her voice took a pleading edge that I really didn't notice. I was caught in the two words she had said. Edward's dying. He needed me. Even if he rejected me, if I helped then I would die happily.

I jumped off of Esme's lap and ran out of the door. Then someone picked me up and I don't know who, I didn't care, and ran with me.

We were standing in front of his room. The door was closed. They were all waiting for me to be ready to see him. After five months of not seeing him. It's going to be hard to see him again, and harder to see him in the state that they were describing.

"Ok, I'm ready" I whispered as I took a deep breath. Alice nodded and opened the door. They pushed me in because I was frozen.

Was that really Edward? Could that be the same Edward I've known? No, impossible. This Edward looked so weak and so pale. Too pale. His eyes were a strange shade of transparent silver. And his face was a mask of pain.

"Bella" Emmet cried and that set it all.

Edward started twisting in his bed and thrashing as if he was burning and then he opened his mouth and started screaming "BELLA! BELLA! LIES! ALL LIES! RUNAWAY BELLA! BEFORE I HURT US AGAIN! LIES ALL LIES! I LIE BELLA! RUN AWAY! A MONSTER! BLACK DARK, PAIN, CRIES……." And Emmet hit his head and he fell silent.

"Edward?" I whispered horrified, as I felt the new tears gush down my face. It was painful to see him thrash in pain like that I would've rather to be killed than to see Edward in that kind of pain.

"I'm not sure if he can hear you Bella" Carlisle said sadly. I shakily started walking towards him, I was still stunned. I noticed his hands started moving around like he was shaking. I looked at Alice and I found Alice looking at it too. She stiffened for a second and I realized she was having a vision. Then she was out of the room and back before I could blink.

"Come with me Bella" Alice pulled me along. She set me on the bed beside Edward, he didn't react in any way. I don't why I expected him to react but it still hurt. Alice put a pen in his hand and a paper under it. And the pen started writing what his hands were trying to show. I don't think he realized he was writing but I started to cry silently as I read what his subconscious made him write.

_My love forever Bella,_

_I love you, I miss you, and I most certainly need you. My life has been dark ever since I left you. Or in other words hurt you. I am sorry for lying, I'm sorry for your pain, I'm sorry for the tears you've shed over someone as worthless as me. I'm sorry for leaving and I'm sorry, love, for being me. I tried to protect you but I hurt you and I hurt myself. I will never forgive myself for this. But I'll always love you and I'll always remember you. The way you looked, how beautiful you were in blue, how your brown hair had shone red in the sunlight. How your brown eyes never seem to have and end to how deep they are. How they always used to capture me in a breathtaking gaze. How your touch had made me feel more human than I've ever felt. How you're smile shined my forever dark eternity. How your smell used to wrap around me and caress me in the lightest ways. How you looked like when you were happy, how you looked like when you were sarcastic. But most of all how you looked like when you told me that you loved me. Memories that I'll cherish forever. Thank you for giving them to me, I've never deserved them. I'm sorry for repaying you so poorly. I'm sorry for being what I am, and who I am. I'm sorry for being me._

_I love you_

_Love_

_Edward_

I was shaking so hard that I barely saw the words. And most of my tears fell on Edward's hand. He didn't feel it. When he finished his hand froze like the rest of his body and the pen fell from his hand. I looked up at him, he had his eyes straight forward and unmoving. I put a hand on his shoulder.

"Edward?" I whispered but he didn't respond, "Edward" I tried again but there was nothing.

I stared at him for a while and thought about how much I loved him. How much I never wanted to be separated from him again. How much I needed him. How much I wanted him out of this scary state. That gave me the strength I need and I decided what I wanted to do. I knew Alice saw it once I made my mind because she gasped then squealed.

"It will work Bella" She squealed.

"Take the others out and explain to them what they need to do" I told her without moving my eyes from Edward's face. I heard the door close. I put a hand on his cheek and stroked it gently.

"There's nothing to forgive Edward. I love you" I whispered and then I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He still didn't react, "I'm counting on your vampire instinct Edward, so please don't hold it back" who knows? Maybe he could hear me. The door opened again and they all came in. They looked worried but they smiled. I looked at Jasper and he whispered, "Thank you" I shook my head

"No. thank you" I told him. Then I turned to Carlisle, "knife, please?" he gave me his small doctor's knife and then moved to Edward's side. All the others took their places on either side of him.

"Don't worry Bella, we'll be here to hold him back" Rosalie assured me and I smiled at her.

I took the knife in my right hand and I lifted my left and positioned it right over his lips. I touched the knife to my palm then quickly I pushed it down and sliced my palm open. It all happened too quick that I barely registered. Once a drop of my blood fell on Edward's lips he snapped, his eyes wide open but like they were blind. Alice, knowing her role in the plan, pushed my neck quickly to replace my palm just before Edward's teeth sunk in it. I barely felt the family taking pulling him off of me, pulling away his mouth because the searing pain of the venom started to spread.

A/N: See? A longer chapter as an apology. But a big cliffy yaaaay!!! I love them. Hope you liked this chappy. Thank you guys for reading.

Love

Mai


	4. What you don't know

.A/N: Ok this is as long as it would go. So this is the last chappy. Hope you guys like it. Please tell me what you think.

**Dedication time!!! Lol! This chappy is dedicated to three of the most amazing people. Mis****ty and of course her daughter Hailey. And my great Aunt Tant Rania. Love you guys!!!**

**What you don't know**

**BPOV**

It's been a week since my painful change. Have I seen Edward? No. He doesn't remember anything. Alice told me that the last thing he remembered was when they were leaving. After that he doesn't remember anything. Meaning he doesn't remember changing me. And he doesn't know. Alice was going to take me to him when I had some control on myself, but the first two days I was impossible. I needed to hunt like a human who haven't seen food for a week. But after that the weirdest thing happened.

I was back to normal. Normal as in I'm not so crazy over blood. I can control all my instincts as if they aren't there. I am so in control that right now I'm back with Charlie. His scent doesn't bother me. Not the least. I could control my strength very well. When I would hug him, I wouldn't crush him. I could control the temperature of my skin around him so that when he touches me I don't feel like cold ice to him. I could change my eye color when I'm in front of him to make it brown like it used to be. So he didn't really notice much except the abnormal sudden beauty. And that was easy enough to explain. Three words. An Alice makeover.

At first we were confused and then we figured out that it was my power. I could do the opposite of anything. When I was human I did the opposite of everything expected. That became my power. I could eat human food and not puke it. I could sleep if I want to but it's not needed. I could do anything. Which was cool.

"Bella, come on!" Alice whined. We were at the meadow. Edward wasn't here. He left once he snapped out of it and found out how close he came to "damaging my life again" ugh!

"Sorry Alice" I said as I took her in my arms again. Alice was teaching me how to waltz. I wanted to learn everything before I met Edward. I wanted to be capable of doing everything he likes. He liked to waltz with me but I couldn't dance before. But now I was fixing that. I was going to see him again. And when I do, nothing will be able to pull us apart again. I will be just like him. I would never have to leave his side. Even when he hunts. I'm going to see Edward tomorrow!

**EPOV**

"Esme, please. Why do I have to come?" I pleaded. The whole family was going out to some-place. I didn't care enough to know where. And they all insisted I go with them.

"Edward, Alice is going to play the piano in the theater. She is so excited, we have to all be there to encourage her. It's her first time. A lot of people are going to be there, would you think she would be happy if you didn't come? Would you ruin this for her?" Esme said quietly staring into my eyes.

I sighed. Of course I wouldn't do that. But I couldn't go out. I don't think I'll be able to really hear the music she'll play. But then again, this was Alice. I could go and pretend that I heard it and then clap with everybody else. I know Alice is a wonderful pianist I don't need to hear her twice to know that.

"Ok, I will go with you" I said grimly. That's what Bella would have wanted I added mentally. I missed her so much. It was so painful to be in the same place that she was in and not run to her. I don't know what happened to me or how I got there. All I remember was telling her the words that crushed both of us then everything after that is so dark. Sometimes I remember her voice telling me things like "There's nothing to forgive" and some other times I remember that she kissed my cheek. But I couldn't remember when did those things actually happen? Maybe it's just my imagination and they never happened. I don't know. All I know is that I miss her, and I need her.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

We were in someplace somewhere. It was crowded with people. I can't really tell you how it really looked like because I didn't really see it. It was just full of rows and rows of empty seats and there was a big stage with a big black shiny piano. There were glass bars in the middle of the stage that made the shape of half a circle. Each glass bar had colorful roes wrapped around it from top to bottom.

There was a spot light on the seat of the piano and in the middle of the glass bars. I was shocked to see that no one was here but us. Poor Alice would be disappointed. Well, I'm glad now that I came, it would be bad enough without my absence.

Alice stepped out onto the stage and didn't seem to notice that there was no one but us there. That was strange. I tried to read her mind but she was blocking it as usual.

"Wow, she's beautiful" I heard Jasper whisper. Alice looked his way smiled and gave her husband a quick wink. He was right. Alice wore a black strapless dress, that was knee length and white spotted. It had a wide red ribbon wrapped around her waist. And at the very end of her dress was colored in red. (**A/N: picture in my profile for the dress and shoes**). She also wore really high heeled, shiny, red shoes. Yes she did look beautiful. I clapped along with my family and plastered a smile on my face.

"Thank you for coming" she whispered to me. I smiled and nodded.

She turned to face the piano and sat in the bench. I heard ticking, like there was a clock nearby. After seven ticks Alice started to play. The tune was sweet, modest, and very charming. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hand as I realized that it was a romantic tune. Here I am listening to the most romantic tune ever played without the love of my existence sitting wrapped in my arms. It was painful to hear it but I held myself in my seat for Alice.

I felt a movement beside me and I opened my eyes to see that I was sitting alone. They were all gone. I was the only one sitting and listening to Alice's playing. Where had they gone? They'll hurt her feelings that way. I tried to look for there thoughts but I couldn't find them. I was going to go look for them but I didn't want to hurt Alice, so I kept in my place.

Then, I heard a voice so familiar yet so strange. So real yet so unreal. So close yet so far. It was a voice so beautiful that it could only remind me of my Bella. But it sure wasn't her voice, it was so different. Yet still the same. I lifted my head up and concentrated on the voice, picking up the words in the beautiful song.

_"What you don't know,_

_is that your scars are beautiful_

_What you don't know,_

_is your imperfections are what make me whole,_

_What you don't know_

_Is how to spare the time_

_Cuz I can't speak whenever you're around, oh"_

I stared at Alice who had a big smile on her face. The voice was heart melting. It made my eyes weld with tears that would never fall. But who was it?

_"And it's not like me to hide behind a wall_

_And it's not like me to fear the fall"_

And then the most amazing thing happened. The place where the second spot light was shinning in, the one that was full of flowers, started to shine more brightly. Glitter started to fall from the top on the floor. And then she appeared. The most beautiful thing I could ever lay my eyes on. She descended from above. The first thing that appeared were her pink high heels. She had one leg in front of the other before she reached the floor. Then there was the uneven endings of her dress. The edges were in pink but the whole dress was black. When she descended more, the thin pink ribbon that was tied around her waist appeared. She had one pale hand over the other in front of her. A little more and I could see that the dress was strapless. (**A/N: pics for the dress and shoes in my profile**) I saw long brown curls covering her shoulders. Then I saw her.

I gasped, "Bella!"

Once her name left my lips her head slowly lifted up and her eyes opened. They were golden! Beautiful golden. My beautiful Bella was a beautiful vampire, but how? When? And was she flying?

I shook the questions out of my head and stared at her, she was so beautiful. And more, she was here. Just a few steps away from me. And she was singing.

_"What you don't know is that I lie awake_

_Wishing you were here tonight"_

She started descending the steps of the stage. I was staring at my love, and she was singing to ….me!

_"What you don't know is that I love you_

_Long before we were alive"_

She was getting closer, and closer. I wanted to stand up, to run to her. To take her in my arms, but I was frozen. All I could to was gawk at her, and try to convince myself she was really there. And that she just said that she loved me.

_"Cuz how would you know?_

_How could you know?_

_So now I'm gonna tell you everything……"_

She stopped in front of me and took both my hands in hers. I stared down at our hands and then back at her. She was really there. Truly. Her warm touch sent shivers down my spine, her scent was mesmerizing as her voice. And then I couldn't control myself. In one very quick movement She was in my arms. I held her tight and sobbed soundlessly. She stroked my hair as I shook in her arms. She continued singing to me as she pulled me with her up the stage.

_"_ _What you don't know  
I have studied the way you walk "_

She pulled me up the stage and wrapped both my arms around her. She put one hand on my neck and the caressed my cheek with the back of her other. I leaned into her hand without noticing. _  
"What you don't know  
Is I've already kissed you in the shadows of my heart"_

She then traced my eyebrow and that's when it happened.

_**I love you, Edward.**_ I heard her voice in my mind whisper. I gasped and stared at her (again), She smiled and nodded, while she was singing._  
What you don't know  
Is that you're poetry  
If you turn around there's someone you won't see"_

_**I've missed you so much. I still love you by the way, I can never stop loving you, no matter what you try to do. And just so you know, this is not a one way connection. **_

_**Bella?**_I thought hesitantly. She smiled.

_**Yes I can hear you, just as you can hear me. Now I want you to hear this**_**. **And then she flooded my mind with our memories. All of them. From the first time she laid her eyes on me, and I was surprised to feel her feeling when she saw me. She really did love me more than I knew. I underestimated her feelings for me. My mind was filled with both our happiness, that it made me smile. Really smile.

_"And it's not like me to hide behind a wall"_ She sang. Then she took one of my hands in hers and she lifted my hand from her waist to her upper back. She put a hand on my shoulder and started swaying us gracefully. I let her lead since I was still shaking from my urge to sob.

_**You're……waltzing? **_I thought stunned.

_"__What you don't know  
is that I lay awake  
Wishing you were here tonight  
What you don't know  
Is that I loved you long before we were alive  
Cause how would you know, how could you know  
So now I'm gonna tell you everything"_

_**For you.**_ Was her answer. I heard in her mind how hard she worked with Alice to do this. So I straightened up and took the leading, wanting our first waltz to be special.

_**It is special. **_She thought. I smiled as I spun her around, and she spun gracefully without tripping. I spun her out and then quickly back in, not baring any distance.

_"What you don't know,_

_What you don't know"_ She kept singing her high notes that I swear were so soft that could have made me sleep if it were possible.

_**Do you trust me?**_ She suddenly thought. I stared at her, Was that a real question??

_"__What you don't know  
Is when the moon and the sun collide  
The morning comes  
there's time I won't be afraid to try"_

_**Of course I do.**_

_**Then hang on.**_ Her hand fell from my shoulder and wrapped around my waist. Then I didn't feel the floor beneath my feet. Bella was flying, and she was carrying me with her! I looked at the floor that looked like it was falling away from us, when actually we were the ones leaving it. I looked back at Bella who the wind was ruffling with her playfully, making her look more and more stunning.

_**Um where are we going?**_

_**How about cloud nine? **_She grinned. Her grin was so breathtaking. I felt my breathing hitch. Her smile grew wider and then she took my hand and intertwined it with hers and closed her eyes. I just stared at her, not knowing what to do but that. Just stare at her beauty. The beauty that I missed. It has been too long since I felt so _alive_.

Her eyes opened again and she smiled.

_**Trust me.**_ She thought. And before I could ask her what she meant, she let go of me. We were so high from the ground that I expected to fall into pieces. But I didn't. I was still in front of her. Flying!!

"Bella!" I gasped, she smiled and nodded. The air around me felt like a soft supporter, like I was standing on a ground made of silk. Very soft and caressing silk. I looked around me and found nothing but the black sky that was covered with dozens and dozens of shiny stars. There were a few white looking smoke, that I figured were the clouds. Bella pulled me on top of one. I laid beside Bella on the bed-like cloud. It felt like I was laying on a bed made of nothing but light feather.

I chuckled, "I feel like Peter Pan" I said turning to my side. She was on her side too. She took my hand and squeezed it.

"You don't look like Peter Pan" She whispered. I touched her cheek and traced her features with my fingertips. She closed her eyes at my touch and I closed mine too. I pulled her closer to my side and tucked her head under my chin and sighed as she hugged me tighter.

Not wanting to ruin the moment by breaking the silence I thought,

_**When?**_ She knew what I was talking about. And I felt her hesitate a little to tell me. _**Please?**_

She sighed and showed me everything. I winced as I watched myself suffer. I didn't know that I was that bad. I can't even remember being in this state. And then she showed me when my family got her. I made a mental note to thank Jasper and Rosalie, their words were what made her come. Then She showed me her……..plan? I gasped. I bit Bella? How was that possible? When did I do that? Bella replayed it again when she sensed my shock. She sliced her palm open and gave me her blood? I tried to attack her? The family pulled me away? How could I do this to her? I was such a…a…

"Please, don't" Bella whispered. I was silent for a moment. "Edward, this is what I want. I can't tell you how happy I am. You are happy too, I can hear it. Underneath it all, you are happy too. Please, just leave yourself to be happy for once. For me? Would you do it for me?" I touched her cheek again and then sighed. What could I say when she put it that way?

"Thank you" She said and I could hear her smile in her voice, "Moving on to more cheerful topics" She showed me how she had planned all this with my family. How she hard she trained to give me one of the experiences I once wanted to have with her. Even though I never told her. I guess, maybe Alice did. She also showed me how gifted she was.

After she finished she was silent. She turned on her back and stared up at the stars like I did.

"I missed you" I whispered. She looked back at me and put her hand over my heart.

"I missed you too" She whispered back. And then I realized that I didn't tell her till now. It felt that the words were going to explode if I didn't say them soon so I murmured,

"I love you"

She smiled and said, "I know"

I laughed, and I leaned and kissed her forehead. When she was staring at the stars again, I started debating on whether or not to just tell her.

"Do you think……" and then I trailed off. I've never been so nervous in my life.

She turned her head to look at me with a smile, "yes?"

I stared at her and made up my mind. I took a deep breath as I bored my eyes in to hers, ready to read the first reaction that comes out of her. I didn't have full access on her brain. Only when she wanted me to. "What do you think Wendy would have said if……Peter Pan had asked her hand in marriage?" I blurted out quickly. Staring intently in her eyes, I noticed a flash of _something_ but she hid it before I could define it.

"Oh" She said then looked at our hands. I held my breath, "I think that Peter is too good for Wendy. Far…far too good for her. It wouldn't be fair to him. He deserves better" She mumbled.

I held back anger. I don't understand the way she sees herself, "but that's not true. Wendy, is more than perfect. Peter is the one who doesn't deserve her. Besides, What if Peter really believed that she was the one for him. That he would never want anything but her. That he wants to have her forever. Would Wendy still say no?"

She was silent for a moment. I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face up to meet her eyes. Her eyes looked torn. Like she was caught in an internal dilemma.

"What would Wendy say?" I repeated. "What would you say?"

Her eyes were full of tears, that ran down her cheeks as quickly as they came. I was about to tell her that she didn't have to answer if she didn't want to, when she beat me and croaked, "I would say that Wendy, is the luckiest girl that had ever walked on the face of this earth, and that she would be a fool to say no." I smiled and pulled her into my arms again. I let her cry for a while, but I knew they weren't tears of pain. They were tears of joy, so I let them fall, feeling my own joy for once. Bella had just agreed to marry me. To be my wife forever. How more perfect can this night be?

After a few more minutes, Bella stopped crying. We sat there and I watched as Bella played with her new gifts. She kept moving the stars form their places and making shapes, we both laughed whenever she made a funny shape.

_**What can you not do?**_ I asked laughing. This time I was using the question she had once asked me.

She laughed as she recognized the question. _**I can do anything. **_And then I heard the excitement flash in her head as she said, _** I can give you whatever you want too. Wish for anything. **_

I smiled. I don't really want anything. All I wanted was her, nothing more and nothing less.

_**Please? There's got to be something**_ She pleaded. I don't know why she wanted to much to do this but I considered it for her.

Nothing. I always wished I could be human for her, but now this wish was pointless, what did I ever wish I could do….? And I trailed off as I remembered one thing. Something that I wished for ever since I met her. Even when I left I kept wishing for it. And now I am still wishing for it.

_**What's that? **_She asked at once. I could feel her thrill as she was so happy that she could give me something.

I stared into her eyes for what felt like years before I answered her, "I've always wished to be able to sleep, so I could dream about you" I whispered. This stunned her. It took her a moment to recover and when she did she smiled.

"I could do that" She said happily.

"Really? Can you make me sleep?" I couldn't believe it! Finally I'd be able to sleep and dream about her. The feeling that rushed through me was indescribable. You could say I was thrilled but that would be an understatement.

I've always wondered how it felt like for Bella to fall asleep in my arms while I hummed her lullaby then have a dream about me that made her smile. How would that feel like?

"I'll show you" She whispered. She pulled me into her warm embrace and rested my head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me and started singing softly to me.

_"What you don't know  
is that I lay awake  
Wishing you were here tonight  
What you don't know  
Is that I loved you long before we were alive  
Cause how would you know, how could you know  
So now I'm gonna tell you everything"_

Her voice was so soft and so hypnotizing that it didn't help my eyelids that were falling. I didn't understand this strange feeling. My whole body over relaxed. My mind diming as my vision. I smiled as Bella's soft voice painted a happy picture of a beautiful woman wearing a white dress.

_**Thank you. I love you**_. Were what I was able to say to her.

_**I love you too, now sleep, sweetheart. Dream the dreams that you once made me dream. And feel the happiness that you make me feel.**_ I was way past answering her as I saw the bride walking down the aisle to reach her husband. Who she would be with till forever.

_"What you don't know"_


End file.
